My dreams have been very odd even for me, and sleep when i do get it is not that good.  Maybe I sleep only 2-4 hours every nite and then like clockwork i wake at 2 am and cant go back to sleep, that has been happening more and more frequently.  And then there is the fact that my cats fight when i go to bed so they keep me up most of the night as well,  I have had problems with insomnia for as long as i can remember, but it has gotten worse now, some nites i just dont sleep at all and i have gotten used to that so i know how to function on no sleep for long periods of time, and when i try to go to bed earlier than usual i wake up earlier and get less sleep, if that makes any sense????  i have tried a lot of things to help me sleep and friends have told me to go see the doctor but i dont trust them so i try teas and other herbal things to get to sleep at nite and hope to keep the nightmares at bay.  one thing i will not do is go see a doctor and take prescription meds they do not work for me and i have tried that a long time ago and i got sick from them i found out i was allergic to some of the medicines my doctor was giving me, and when i would go see him about my lack of sleep he would keep on precribing them to me and i would tell him i was allergic to them but they fell on deaf ears so i switched doctors because he wasnt listening to me at all, he i think is the reason i cant trust doctors and i no a few other people that have gone to him and had the same problems.

 

Back to my strange dreams, they make no sense even to me and when i try to figure them out it makes it even more confusing i try to talk to a friend of mine who has helped me through a lot of stuff he cant even figure them out for me.  my nightmares scare the hell out of me and some of my friends when i try to tell them but i stopped doing that because i was giving them the nightmares too, i think i have shared a nightmare or two with a few friends and they didnt no what to do when they saw me next.  i thought they i was dreaming of them but only to find out later that we were sharing the same nightmare.

i havent dont that in a long time though and everyone is happy that i havent dragged them into my dreams.  i have learned how to block my dreams from my friends but once in a while i slip up and they come back.

 

 

This is my all time favorite time of year, AUTUMN i love the cool weather, the wind and just watching the leave change from a deep green, to yellow or a deep red.  I also love to make apple crisp on a cool evening and have it with some ice cream, or just curling up on the couch w/ a great book and maybe a cat or two.  Some times i would take a nice walk in the crisp evening and just listen to everything around me....i have a nice cospe of trees across the street from where i live and i cant wait to see what it looks like when all the leaves change color, i moved here last december so i missed that last year....i like listening to the crickets at night and the birds first thing in the morning and when i get up to open everything up again and watch the squirrels in my yard gathering there stores for the winter and also to see my cats reaction to seeing them in the yard, my little one loves to try to get though my glass door and try to get to what ever animal is in the yard....i watch with a bemused look on my face....oh how i love AUTUMN......

yesterday when i was at work i was just wandering around the room and all of a sudden i had this burst of energy coming form the palm of my hands and it was strange cuz i havent had that happen in along time....so i sat there for a few minutes and played w/ the energy that was there i made a few energy balls and just tossed them around me for a while, while i was waitin for the day to pass....for me my energy seems to be at its highest when the moon is full and i get very playful and so energetic that i make everyone around me nuts.....and i cant contain the energy either and the main thing is that i dont want too....

Ok so some nites i am ok to go to bed and then there are others where the last thing i want to do is go to bed....i have been having really bad nitemares to the point where i wake up in a cold sweat or shakin to the point i dont want to go back to sleep so i stay up for the rest of the night...and that isnt good when i need to be up at 430 and at work for 6am and then work 12 hours on no sleep....but it has been something that i have gotten used to doin in the past 10 years or so.....so now here i am w/ hardly any sleep for a wk or so and i am afraid to go to sleep once again and see the horrors i see on a daily basis....not many ppl no that i have a fear of sleep because it is a strange fear to have i no that now but it is one i have...some of my nitemares have actually come true and i dont want that to happen again....when i was a teenager a friend of mine told me that i had a gift of foresight...you no something sometimes i dont want this gift....i no it is a part of who and what i am so i need to except it...sometimes that is very hard to do when you see things you dont want to see like friends and family either dying or gettin seriously hurt in the long run but i dont no how to foreworn them w/o seeming too crazy to them.....

Here to another long weekend for me, i hope it goes by fast, how i hate these weekends where i have to work when i want to be anywhere but at my job, i love the people i work w/ dont get me wrong it is just the place that i dont really like, it seems as soon as i walk in i get a headache and nothing soothes it at least not for the 12 hours that i am there, the only high light i have there is this guy that i like a lot and we get along great, but he doesnt see me as more than a friend, and that is fine w/ me somedays, but sometimes i wonder why am i so alone here, i like to be alone but not all the time but that is all i seem to know and my cats are the only ones that see this side of me on a regular basis and there is nothing that they can do to cheer me up.....how do you go on when your not wanted.......that is something that has been on my mind a lot for the past few weeks and  i still havent come up w/ an answer for that, and that is when i just lock myself up in my apartment, shut off phone and hide......